Ok so Ive never done one of these before I'm a n00b at it hehe
Ok so whats the haps.
Heres a photo I took when I was staying at my Friend Tonis place.
If you would like to see more of art please feel free to click on my link =D
Now on to the things you really wanna know about. or maybe not? lol
If you're reading this count yourself pretty lucky cause this isnt public yet.
A month or so, I was in a relationship with someone who will remain nameless. he sent me an offline message braking up with me.. Thats pretty low as it is. A few nights before that I was blissfully happy thinking things were fine. No I lie better then fine, we had connected on a new level. You see we had been together for just over a year. We had big plains . Which I guess he didnt share now that I think about it.
When it was over between us. I truely thought my life was over. A few weeks beforehand I had lost my 17 year old dog who wasnt just my dog, or my pet. She was my best friend my baby, my life. I could tell her everything and anything. Peanut ( her name) went everywhere with me, she even slept in my bed, yes in my bed, not on it, but in it. from the day I brought her home. When I was sad she knew, she would snuggle up around my neck and fall asleep ( this is causing me to cry as I writ this, as it still hurts so badly losing her) Anyways. So she died a few weeks before hand. The on this day my EX decided to end it between us. was also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's death. Of all the days ~sighs~
That had to have been the worst day I have had in so long. My life or so I thought had come to an end. if I had access to a gun, it wouldn't have been just the end of a relationship, it would have been the end of my life. I had nothing to live for.
Yes I have my family and I have my friends. Who have been so supportive towards me I could never thank them enough.
Although one of them has a new girlfriend and seems to have forgotten that he has friends and is now too busy talking to her when online to really spend time with all his other friends. The ones you know who where always there for him, the ones who made him laugh when he was upset, the ones that stayed up hours and hours on end worried about him comfiting him, letting him know hes loved and that things will get better.
But alas when the tables are turned like always, that person is farrrrr too busy.
I guess thats to expected when your in love and its all new.
I miss him so much though, I miss our hours on end talks, I miss laughing with him I miss crying with him. I miss our friendship. Hun. If you are reading this ( maybe you will read this one day) Please remember you have other people in your life, people who need you, and people that want to be there for you too. Whats that quote?.. bros before hoes. lol ok so Im not a "bro" but you get the idea hehe
ops sorry got a little distracted there lol. Back on track now lol..
So as I was saying. Sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I kinda blow. Before I used to just pack my car up, put Peanut in the car and that was us we would just disappear. I was living at home, so I didnt have to worry about paying rent or any of that shit.. I would often be gone for months. Anything between a week and 3 months. I had enough friends living all over the north island so I always had a bed to sleep in or a coutch to crach on. But in saying that I was accustom sleeping in my car too.
But Im not able to do that anymore I cant just up and leave. curse this thing we call growing up and having a job and needing money to live.
So this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
Then something happened, something that has not only stolen my heart, but has changed my life for the better. This something I talk about isnt just a something, he is a person. A person who helped me in more ways then he realises. Hes opened my eyes to teh world. Opened my eyes to love. Showen me that I am worthy of being loved, that there is someone out there who loves me for who I am. And who accepts my love. Who doesnt think Im being over protictive, who doesnt think Im being clingy. If anything I know he would like me to express myself more lol. Now thats something Im not used to at all. I have never meet someone who can truely see the way I do any say things that I dont do it for myself. But because I want only the best for them.
That person is Jeremy.
It all happened so fast, so fast I think I blinked and it was just there.
Have you ever meet someone who you just click with? Someone who you just are made to be with? When you know that anyone else before this person was a noone. ( no disrespect to them noones lol ) We have so much in commen its just amazing. if anyone knows me I can debate / argue what ever you cant to call it lol. Till the cows come home. But with Jeremy, I find myself agreeing with things he says, and not just because I want him to be happy, but because I truely do agree with what he is saying. And he "seems" to agree with me too lol.. Its really like it was meant to be. A soul mate.
We were once two people drifting through life. Now we have joined becoming one. The way it was always meant to me.
Its like all of a sudden. Everything makes sence. there is nothing I cant tell him,. openly, not feeling like I have to tell him what I have to say. But because I want to, because it feels right to tell him, it feels wrong if I dont tell him. I dont feel stupid when I say things.
I can not express the love I feel for him.
But I also cant express the pain of not being able to pull him close and hold him .
You know what I think Ive said enough for my first entry in this blog lmao .