Have you ever felt so close to someone yet your so far away?
I have a few friends who I think the world of who I would move heaven and earth to help if I was able to. Some of them I havent known and have been in my life since I was 14. Others have come into my life other the past few years. Some I have never met in person. Some I miss treably but Id never admit that to them as they no longer talk to me even though I see them just about daily.
Thats the problem with some people they dont know how to share themselves between friends and lovers. So when they find themself in a relationship they find themselves so involved in it they tend to forget they also have friends who also love them abd miss them terribly.
You know I have a friend who only ever talks to me when she leaves yet another of her long line of loser boyfriends. Great friend she is aye. We have been friends since we were 14 years old. I was her only friend for so long because she was "different" and noone wanted to be near her.
Ohh well I guess Im what is known as being her leaning post.
Which brings me to Evan. Hes one of those friends who I would move heaven and earth for if I was able to. Not too long ago we were chatting about a few things. omfg for once it wasnt about sex either lol.. no hang on arse fucking was mentioned lol.. Bloody hell Evan cant we ever go a night without sex being mentioned in one way or another? Just cause you have.. and I quote "like mine, it's fat and flat and round and stubby.. >.> oh wait, that's my ass" lol..
Anyways as I was saying. we got a talking about friendships being there for someone else. I mentioned something about being a leaning post to which he replied with something like he will be mine.
Now this is not something I want from a friend, Evan is so much more to me then just someone to lean on when I need to be held up. Hes someone that yes of course will cheer me up if need be, and will do his best to be there. But thats not what a friendship if to me. It goes both ways. You lean on me and Ill lean on you, sometimes I man lean a little more and need a little more holding up. Sometimes you may lean on me and I need to hold you up a little more. But in the end we lean on each other hold each other up. The good the bad and the ugly ( thats a book about rugby here btw lol "the good the bad and the ugly" )
While talking to Evan I was reminded of a song that just made me think of him. ( Which I will get to soon ) While I was looking for it on youtube I came across this one. Ive heard this song before and it makes me cry when I haven't heard it in a while. Have a listen its a little churchy but you will get the gift of it.
Now that you have heard that one. Have a listen to this one.
This is the song I thought of and started to sing it while Even and I were talking.
Friends are family members we picked ourselves. That makes them more special because we chose to have them in our lives.
And I choose you <3
ohhh and this one here. if just for Tim <3
Have a special holidays everyone drive safely on the roads, dont speed and dont drink and drive. If you do. Your a bloody idiot :D ( just like Evan and I when we txt the wrong person when we are half asleep lol)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
My the year has gone by fast
Is it just me? or has the year gone by really fast?
Love has come, and love has gone.
If made friends, and I've lost friends.
New family members have arrived and Ive also lost some family members.
I also lost my best friend, my baby, my pet my life companion of 17 years.
You cant imagine how much I miss her.
Showing off my dA cap.
She was always more then happy to pose for me.
Again see how happy she is to pose for me.
This was taken only a week or so before she died =(
She never minded my cats snuggling up with her.
Man I miss her so much.
A poem I wrote
Goodbye my friend Peanut
Seventeen years ago you came to me,
the runt of the litter small and tiny.
It was love at first sight,
Came into my life shining so bright.
Always by my side,
there for the long ride.
You were always so strong,
your life was long.
You've left my side now,
to make a new path of your own,
straight up to heaven,
thats where you'll go.
Its with my Nana you will stay,
till we meet again one day.
You can read and comment on this poem HERE
Ive also now working full time.
For the first time ever, I wont be home for Christmas, and I only live up the road from my parents.
I will be working right though Christmas.
My Mum is guttered about that. As she loves Christmas and never has she ever not had her children with her at lest part of the day. But I wont be there for any of it.
Anyways speaking of work I have to go to work now.
Take care all <3
Love has come, and love has gone.
If made friends, and I've lost friends.
New family members have arrived and Ive also lost some family members.
I also lost my best friend, my baby, my pet my life companion of 17 years.
You cant imagine how much I miss her.
Showing off my dA cap.
She was always more then happy to pose for me.
Again see how happy she is to pose for me.
This was taken only a week or so before she died =(
She never minded my cats snuggling up with her.
Man I miss her so much.
A poem I wrote
Goodbye my friend Peanut
Seventeen years ago you came to me,
the runt of the litter small and tiny.
It was love at first sight,
Came into my life shining so bright.
Always by my side,
there for the long ride.
You were always so strong,
your life was long.
You've left my side now,
to make a new path of your own,
straight up to heaven,
thats where you'll go.
Its with my Nana you will stay,
till we meet again one day.
You can read and comment on this poem HERE
Ive also now working full time.
For the first time ever, I wont be home for Christmas, and I only live up the road from my parents.
I will be working right though Christmas.
My Mum is guttered about that. As she loves Christmas and never has she ever not had her children with her at lest part of the day. But I wont be there for any of it.
Anyways speaking of work I have to go to work now.
Take care all <3
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Ohh Kevin how I love you
I went to see this dude live a few years ago.
If you have no sence of humor you wont like him.
But if you do, and you dont mind swearing and a damn good laugh.
Ohh and you must be able to laugh at yourself too.
Ok lets start off with the word cunt and Canadians.
Do you fuck on first dates? ohhh I know some that dont even need the date part
Now if you are from America if you dont have a reallyyyyy good sense of humour this one sure as hell isnt for you. DO NOT click on it hehe.
An Oldy but a goodie. Ever try and make a call, and you get some stupid operator that didnt know jack shit. This ones for you.
And last but not lest.. Seen as its that time of the year again when Christmas is sneaking up on us way too fast.
If you have no sence of humor you wont like him.
But if you do, and you dont mind swearing and a damn good laugh.
Ohh and you must be able to laugh at yourself too.
Ok lets start off with the word cunt and Canadians.
Do you fuck on first dates? ohhh I know some that dont even need the date part
Now if you are from America if you dont have a reallyyyyy good sense of humour this one sure as hell isnt for you. DO NOT click on it hehe.
An Oldy but a goodie. Ever try and make a call, and you get some stupid operator that didnt know jack shit. This ones for you.
And last but not lest.. Seen as its that time of the year again when Christmas is sneaking up on us way too fast.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Yawns
Man what a week its been.
Finely the water has thinned out a little.
Blood always was thinker then water.
Lmfao that reminds me.. Tim remember we are related.. ~giggles~
been working all week and weekend. I now have 2 days off, then back into again, but no sleep overs till next week.
Most people dont realise this, but what I do isnt just looking after people with disabilatys, and mental disabilitys. Its also councerling. There is a lot of mental abuse and some phical abuse too.
I have bruises all around my ankles and wrists hehe ( No Im not talking about me having to be held down lmao.
Just a few patents get a little hmmm.
Also a cleaner a mother a sister and an Aunty. and to staff daughter)
lmfao I get called the baby of our little staff family cause Im the youngest to work there lmao. everyone else is in their late 30's and over and in 50's and one in her 60's .
There are two other woman who it seems the other staff dont like I have been informed. Which is why Ive been getting more hours, as my work "mothers" lol have decided they want me there and not the other two :P
Kinda felt nice to be looked at that way :) Im not used to that. Im so used to people shitting on me all the time because I dont like fighting so dont fight back, and very really defend myself. I will defend a friend or family with myself. But when it comes to defending and sticking up for myself. Only once in a blue moon that will happen. I just sit back and let people lie and tell shit about me..
The way I see it, the truth always comes out in the end.
Anyways back on topic hehe.
Ill be getting more hours :D
Sleep overs are a little rough though. Start either 1pm or 3:30pm, work right though till either 8:30am the next day, or worth though to 1pm or 3:30pm the next day.
Thsi weekend Ive started 3:30pm - 8:30am. then back that afternoon at 3:30pm - 1pm the next day. Had that night off. Then the next day did a 8am - 8pm and here I am now lol
Hmmm Ive missed a day in there somewhere hmmm. Im so tired I cant remember lmao.
went for 2 1 hour walks today and been on a 13 hour shift so Im pucked hehehe.
Anyways over and out,
take care
Arohanui xoxo
Finely the water has thinned out a little.
Blood always was thinker then water.
Lmfao that reminds me.. Tim remember we are related.. ~giggles~
been working all week and weekend. I now have 2 days off, then back into again, but no sleep overs till next week.
Most people dont realise this, but what I do isnt just looking after people with disabilatys, and mental disabilitys. Its also councerling. There is a lot of mental abuse and some phical abuse too.
I have bruises all around my ankles and wrists hehe ( No Im not talking about me having to be held down lmao.
Just a few patents get a little hmmm.
Also a cleaner a mother a sister and an Aunty. and to staff daughter)
lmfao I get called the baby of our little staff family cause Im the youngest to work there lmao. everyone else is in their late 30's and over and in 50's and one in her 60's .
There are two other woman who it seems the other staff dont like I have been informed. Which is why Ive been getting more hours, as my work "mothers" lol have decided they want me there and not the other two :P
Kinda felt nice to be looked at that way :) Im not used to that. Im so used to people shitting on me all the time because I dont like fighting so dont fight back, and very really defend myself. I will defend a friend or family with myself. But when it comes to defending and sticking up for myself. Only once in a blue moon that will happen. I just sit back and let people lie and tell shit about me..
The way I see it, the truth always comes out in the end.
Anyways back on topic hehe.
Ill be getting more hours :D
Sleep overs are a little rough though. Start either 1pm or 3:30pm, work right though till either 8:30am the next day, or worth though to 1pm or 3:30pm the next day.
Thsi weekend Ive started 3:30pm - 8:30am. then back that afternoon at 3:30pm - 1pm the next day. Had that night off. Then the next day did a 8am - 8pm and here I am now lol
Hmmm Ive missed a day in there somewhere hmmm. Im so tired I cant remember lmao.
went for 2 1 hour walks today and been on a 13 hour shift so Im pucked hehehe.
Anyways over and out,
take care
Arohanui xoxo
Monday, October 13, 2008
Its a secret life
Some of use hold secret lives, some of us an open book.
Some of use a forced to hide secrets from everyone they know because they have stalkers that repeat everything they say to others twisting it around turning it into something that is anything but the truth.
Some have people that they just dont trust. Why? because they have given them no reason to trust the.
Once bitten twice shy, you know how it is =)
Its funny though how you come across some people that no matter what will always have something bad to say about you, even though you dont ever talk about them.
How do you get this kinda person out of your life? the quick answer, you cant.
Its so sad to know that some people thrift off the pain of others.
I remember something a friend said to me.
Its the good people in this life we live that get punished, its the bad people that get what they want.
You see life isnt easy, so if you think it is, and you use other people to better yourself. Your time will come...
Yes that means you...
Ohh and by the way. I dont talk to you, I dont talk about you, you arnt worth wasting my time over. I never reply to anything you post about me.
The truth is people. I dont lie no matter who you are, if you really think about it, even those of you who dislike me, even hate me, you will know in your little cold hearts. I am many things buy a lyer is not one of them.
If anything Im often told Im too honest.
You can tell all the lies about me you wish to tell. But it will never change the fact that its you thats lying and its you that all those lies will catch up with. and its you that will be the one left standing alone.
Think about it, be honest not only to others, but to yourself.
if you are always truthful, you never have anything to lie about.
And dont be acusing me of doing or saying things I didnt do or say.
Its you that looks the fool with all your lies not me. :)
This is not directed at one person so if you think its about you, maybe it is, and maybe it isnt. Chances are it isnt though. But if you think it is, maybe you need to stop and think about your actions, its a good time to make things right.
Tell those you love, you love them as often as you can.
Dont die hating someone.
Dont hold guilt, guilt alone can kill you.
Always forgive those who have done wrong on you.
You may not realise this, or maybe you do, and you will also use this against me like you do everything else.
But I never hated you, despite of what you may think, or what you have been told.
You were someone I did hold close to as a friend. And even now after all the pain and lies you have told about me. If you came to me needing help, I would still do all I could to help you.
I always forgive, I just never forget.
I cant make you realise that, and Im not going to try, I tried that, and got slaped in the face for my efforts.
Those of you with love in your hearts, will have love in your eyes.
Those of you with hate in your hearts, will have hate in your death.
( deep arnt I lmao )
Some of use a forced to hide secrets from everyone they know because they have stalkers that repeat everything they say to others twisting it around turning it into something that is anything but the truth.
Some have people that they just dont trust. Why? because they have given them no reason to trust the.
Once bitten twice shy, you know how it is =)
Its funny though how you come across some people that no matter what will always have something bad to say about you, even though you dont ever talk about them.
How do you get this kinda person out of your life? the quick answer, you cant.
Its so sad to know that some people thrift off the pain of others.
I remember something a friend said to me.
Its the good people in this life we live that get punished, its the bad people that get what they want.
You see life isnt easy, so if you think it is, and you use other people to better yourself. Your time will come...
Yes that means you...
Ohh and by the way. I dont talk to you, I dont talk about you, you arnt worth wasting my time over. I never reply to anything you post about me.
The truth is people. I dont lie no matter who you are, if you really think about it, even those of you who dislike me, even hate me, you will know in your little cold hearts. I am many things buy a lyer is not one of them.
If anything Im often told Im too honest.
You can tell all the lies about me you wish to tell. But it will never change the fact that its you thats lying and its you that all those lies will catch up with. and its you that will be the one left standing alone.
Think about it, be honest not only to others, but to yourself.
if you are always truthful, you never have anything to lie about.
And dont be acusing me of doing or saying things I didnt do or say.
Its you that looks the fool with all your lies not me. :)
This is not directed at one person so if you think its about you, maybe it is, and maybe it isnt. Chances are it isnt though. But if you think it is, maybe you need to stop and think about your actions, its a good time to make things right.
Tell those you love, you love them as often as you can.
Dont die hating someone.
Dont hold guilt, guilt alone can kill you.
Always forgive those who have done wrong on you.
You may not realise this, or maybe you do, and you will also use this against me like you do everything else.
But I never hated you, despite of what you may think, or what you have been told.
You were someone I did hold close to as a friend. And even now after all the pain and lies you have told about me. If you came to me needing help, I would still do all I could to help you.
I always forgive, I just never forget.
I cant make you realise that, and Im not going to try, I tried that, and got slaped in the face for my efforts.
Those of you with love in your hearts, will have love in your eyes.
Those of you with hate in your hearts, will have hate in your death.
( deep arnt I lmao )
Sunday, October 5, 2008
A lie within
Monday, September 29, 2008
Im a cunt thank you Anonymous =D
Yay Im a cunt or so an Anonymous person said in a comment in a later posted blog.
Ohh can you feel the love. ha!
Ohh how some people can talk a load of utta crap ~rolls eyes~ ( this thing needs to have an emotes option thing hmm hehe )
Anyways so some say mine and JerBears icons are stupid. HA! Do I really look like I care what you think? =D
Right now, things are going pretty good with me.
I have a lovely sweet man who would do anything for me ( within reason ) come to think of it, even then I think he would still do it, I just wouldn't ask him to.
You know its funny how something work out. it really is. This is a love not like any other I have had. I am not used to being treated this way. Any relationship I have been in in the past I was either beaten, or abuses in other ways, or put second to everything else. Or at lest thats how it felt.
I have never been in a relationship where the person wanted my attention more then I wanted theirs hehe. And you know what it feels really good to feel wanted and needed.
Have you ever meet someone who you can disagree with but its not turned into some debate or argument? not at all. Have you ever met someone who you have so much in common with? and you know its not just them agreeing with you to make you happy because its them they says something first and its you thats agreeing with them, so your amazed at how much you have in common...
Sooo do you who of you have cybered before? lmao ~giggles~
Thought a random question was needed there hehe..
Tomorrow will bring updates on whats happening with me.
sorry if my blogs are long, I know I tend to talk alot.
yes êloíza to answer your question, it does feel better ~hugs~
Arohanui all <3
Ohh can you feel the love. ha!
Ohh how some people can talk a load of utta crap ~rolls eyes~ ( this thing needs to have an emotes option thing hmm hehe )
Anyways so some say mine and JerBears icons are stupid. HA! Do I really look like I care what you think? =D
Right now, things are going pretty good with me.
I have a lovely sweet man who would do anything for me ( within reason ) come to think of it, even then I think he would still do it, I just wouldn't ask him to.
You know its funny how something work out. it really is. This is a love not like any other I have had. I am not used to being treated this way. Any relationship I have been in in the past I was either beaten, or abuses in other ways, or put second to everything else. Or at lest thats how it felt.
I have never been in a relationship where the person wanted my attention more then I wanted theirs hehe. And you know what it feels really good to feel wanted and needed.
Have you ever meet someone who you can disagree with but its not turned into some debate or argument? not at all. Have you ever met someone who you have so much in common with? and you know its not just them agreeing with you to make you happy because its them they says something first and its you thats agreeing with them, so your amazed at how much you have in common...
Sooo do you who of you have cybered before? lmao ~giggles~
Thought a random question was needed there hehe..
Tomorrow will bring updates on whats happening with me.
sorry if my blogs are long, I know I tend to talk alot.
yes êloíza to answer your question, it does feel better ~hugs~
Arohanui all <3
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Words are not always just words
Its funny how people can often twist something around to make it into something it isnt at all.
Its funny how some people see loyalty on such different levels.
I dont believe in taking sides. But I do believe in standing up for someone when they know they haven't done anything wrong.
I do believe that if you know one of your friends are telling lies about another of your friends. You dont just stand on the sideline
The difference between right and wrong are so close together.
I honestly dont know how a person can stand by and let someone do that. Im sorry if that makes me a selfish person but I will always stick up for what I can see as clear as day what is right. Im sorry if it makes me a bad person if any of my friends are telling me lies about another friend, or if I see them telling others lies, I will voice myself and tell them so. Im sorry but I could just never stand by and watch another friend do that to another friend. At the very lest a real friend would know not to tell these lies to me, or anywhere that I can see.
I mean come on, they know they are lying. So why would they tell lies to someone who knows the truth?
Some things I will never understand I guess.
Sometimes I wish I really was the bitch I keep getting accused of being.
I wish I could be the wanker who will go out of their way to tell lies about people just to make themselves look good.
And to top it off because they are so good at lying people dont even seem to second guess him. Have they ever thought to come to the source and ask them themselves? Have they ever thought to even come by and have a look for them self if all the things that have been said have been said. Cause if they did, they would see Im nothing at all like the person they are making me out to be.
but people only seem to care about themselves now a days.
Which really puts me back to the how can a friend not defend a friend who they know isnt in the wrong. And how can a friend stand by while their other friend goes out of their way all the time to make up these lies. Tell me is that really what a friend is made of?
Its not interfering, its not putting your nose into someone else's bissness.
Its standing up for what you believe in, for your loved ones. And its knowing the difference between right and wrong, and knowing when you need to make a stand and stop being walked all over.
Its an OD thing you know I treat all my friends so much different then they treat me. Dont get me wrong Im not saying they are bad or that Im better or worse then anyone else. Its just that my loyalty towards my loved ones stands on a much higher scale.
Maybe thats because all my life I have had lovely caring family. I have been thought to always stand up for what you believe in, to always do the right thing, even if at times that means hurting someone else.
Sometimes that also means you end up losing someone you thought of as a friend.
But the thing is, when it comes down to it its better to have one or two friends you would trust with your life, then to have a lot of friends who are anything but.
I dunno I guess Im kinda stuck in the middle here.
I wish so badly that I would just forget about it all.
I forgive so easily. I really do. often too easily. Is that a bad thing? Maybe it is and maybe it isnt.
But you know its funny, cause no matter what I say, no matter how many people do know the truth and all of the truth, when you get something pumped into your head enough times. You cant help but start to believe it.
When it comes down to it, I know the truth, and thats all the matters. No matter what anyone else says nothing will ever take that away from me. No matter how much someone trys to bring me down, mo matter how much they want to lie about me, no matter how much they lie to other people about things. Be it about me or about themselves. I know the truth, that can never be taken away from me.
And no Im not going to stoop to the same level and rebal.
Why would I? thats like pissing in the sea.
People will believe what they want to believe, till they get slapped in the face and it all come crumbling down around them, and of course thats when I come in. Again, and again, and again,. sadly some people never learn.
If they did it would cause a lot less pain on their behalf.
Anyways thats all for now. Ill leave you with this.
Its funny how some people see loyalty on such different levels.
I dont believe in taking sides. But I do believe in standing up for someone when they know they haven't done anything wrong.
I do believe that if you know one of your friends are telling lies about another of your friends. You dont just stand on the sideline
The difference between right and wrong are so close together.
I honestly dont know how a person can stand by and let someone do that. Im sorry if that makes me a selfish person but I will always stick up for what I can see as clear as day what is right. Im sorry if it makes me a bad person if any of my friends are telling me lies about another friend, or if I see them telling others lies, I will voice myself and tell them so. Im sorry but I could just never stand by and watch another friend do that to another friend. At the very lest a real friend would know not to tell these lies to me, or anywhere that I can see.
I mean come on, they know they are lying. So why would they tell lies to someone who knows the truth?
Some things I will never understand I guess.
Sometimes I wish I really was the bitch I keep getting accused of being.
I wish I could be the wanker who will go out of their way to tell lies about people just to make themselves look good.
And to top it off because they are so good at lying people dont even seem to second guess him. Have they ever thought to come to the source and ask them themselves? Have they ever thought to even come by and have a look for them self if all the things that have been said have been said. Cause if they did, they would see Im nothing at all like the person they are making me out to be.
but people only seem to care about themselves now a days.
Which really puts me back to the how can a friend not defend a friend who they know isnt in the wrong. And how can a friend stand by while their other friend goes out of their way all the time to make up these lies. Tell me is that really what a friend is made of?
Its not interfering, its not putting your nose into someone else's bissness.
Its standing up for what you believe in, for your loved ones. And its knowing the difference between right and wrong, and knowing when you need to make a stand and stop being walked all over.
Its an OD thing you know I treat all my friends so much different then they treat me. Dont get me wrong Im not saying they are bad or that Im better or worse then anyone else. Its just that my loyalty towards my loved ones stands on a much higher scale.
Maybe thats because all my life I have had lovely caring family. I have been thought to always stand up for what you believe in, to always do the right thing, even if at times that means hurting someone else.
Sometimes that also means you end up losing someone you thought of as a friend.
But the thing is, when it comes down to it its better to have one or two friends you would trust with your life, then to have a lot of friends who are anything but.
I dunno I guess Im kinda stuck in the middle here.
I wish so badly that I would just forget about it all.
I forgive so easily. I really do. often too easily. Is that a bad thing? Maybe it is and maybe it isnt.
But you know its funny, cause no matter what I say, no matter how many people do know the truth and all of the truth, when you get something pumped into your head enough times. You cant help but start to believe it.
When it comes down to it, I know the truth, and thats all the matters. No matter what anyone else says nothing will ever take that away from me. No matter how much someone trys to bring me down, mo matter how much they want to lie about me, no matter how much they lie to other people about things. Be it about me or about themselves. I know the truth, that can never be taken away from me.
And no Im not going to stoop to the same level and rebal.
Why would I? thats like pissing in the sea.
People will believe what they want to believe, till they get slapped in the face and it all come crumbling down around them, and of course thats when I come in. Again, and again, and again,. sadly some people never learn.
If they did it would cause a lot less pain on their behalf.
Anyways thats all for now. Ill leave you with this.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The final weekend
Ahhh, so this is the last time I have Chantelle. Kinda sad but happy about that in the same time.
Ive been looking after Chatelle for well over a year now.
Shes now getting to the point where shes too big for me to care for.
Shes growing out of everything, getting too heavy to push up my drive, and will need a new wheelchair very soon. The one she has now is already big. her next one wont be able to fit though the door ways.
This doesnt mean I will be giving up loooking after the disabled and IHC though.
As it is I work in one of the houses in town that has ICH people in it.
I will now work there more. The money is also better. It also means when I finish work for the day, thats it Im finished I dont need to worry about work till my next shift. It will be a lot less stressful. It does how ever mean I wont be online as much. Maybe thats a good thing though? lol.
JerBear you will need to send me many emails <3 and rearrange your sleeping patten again? lmao . Just kidding babe, I would never ask that of you. You will be getting more sleep though hehehe.
Thats all for now. My get up and go, got up and left =(
Debbie
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My first entry
Ok so Ive never done one of these before I'm a n00b at it hehe
Ok so whats the haps.
Heres a photo I took when I was staying at my Friend Tonis place.
If you would like to see more of art please feel free to click on my link =D
Now on to the things you really wanna know about. or maybe not? lol
If you're reading this count yourself pretty lucky cause this isnt public yet.
A month or so, I was in a relationship with someone who will remain nameless. he sent me an offline message braking up with me.. Thats pretty low as it is. A few nights before that I was blissfully happy thinking things were fine. No I lie better then fine, we had connected on a new level. You see we had been together for just over a year. We had big plains . Which I guess he didnt share now that I think about it.
When it was over between us. I truely thought my life was over. A few weeks beforehand I had lost my 17 year old dog who wasnt just my dog, or my pet. She was my best friend my baby, my life. I could tell her everything and anything. Peanut ( her name) went everywhere with me, she even slept in my bed, yes in my bed, not on it, but in it. from the day I brought her home. When I was sad she knew, she would snuggle up around my neck and fall asleep ( this is causing me to cry as I writ this, as it still hurts so badly losing her) Anyways. So she died a few weeks before hand. The on this day my EX decided to end it between us. was also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's death. Of all the days ~sighs~
That had to have been the worst day I have had in so long. My life or so I thought had come to an end. if I had access to a gun, it wouldn't have been just the end of a relationship, it would have been the end of my life. I had nothing to live for.
Yes I have my family and I have my friends. Who have been so supportive towards me I could never thank them enough.
Although one of them has a new girlfriend and seems to have forgotten that he has friends and is now too busy talking to her when online to really spend time with all his other friends. The ones you know who where always there for him, the ones who made him laugh when he was upset, the ones that stayed up hours and hours on end worried about him comfiting him, letting him know hes loved and that things will get better.
But alas when the tables are turned like always, that person is farrrrr too busy.
I guess thats to expected when your in love and its all new.
I miss him so much though, I miss our hours on end talks, I miss laughing with him I miss crying with him. I miss our friendship. Hun. If you are reading this ( maybe you will read this one day) Please remember you have other people in your life, people who need you, and people that want to be there for you too. Whats that quote?.. bros before hoes. lol ok so Im not a "bro" but you get the idea hehe
ops sorry got a little distracted there lol. Back on track now lol..
So as I was saying. Sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I kinda blow. Before I used to just pack my car up, put Peanut in the car and that was us we would just disappear. I was living at home, so I didnt have to worry about paying rent or any of that shit.. I would often be gone for months. Anything between a week and 3 months. I had enough friends living all over the north island so I always had a bed to sleep in or a coutch to crach on. But in saying that I was accustom sleeping in my car too.
But Im not able to do that anymore I cant just up and leave. curse this thing we call growing up and having a job and needing money to live.
So this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
Then something happened, something that has not only stolen my heart, but has changed my life for the better. This something I talk about isnt just a something, he is a person. A person who helped me in more ways then he realises. Hes opened my eyes to teh world. Opened my eyes to love. Showen me that I am worthy of being loved, that there is someone out there who loves me for who I am. And who accepts my love. Who doesnt think Im being over protictive, who doesnt think Im being clingy. If anything I know he would like me to express myself more lol. Now thats something Im not used to at all. I have never meet someone who can truely see the way I do any say things that I dont do it for myself. But because I want only the best for them.
That person is Jeremy.
It all happened so fast, so fast I think I blinked and it was just there.
Have you ever meet someone who you just click with? Someone who you just are made to be with? When you know that anyone else before this person was a noone. ( no disrespect to them noones lol ) We have so much in commen its just amazing. if anyone knows me I can debate / argue what ever you cant to call it lol. Till the cows come home. But with Jeremy, I find myself agreeing with things he says, and not just because I want him to be happy, but because I truely do agree with what he is saying. And he "seems" to agree with me too lol.. Its really like it was meant to be. A soul mate.
We were once two people drifting through life. Now we have joined becoming one. The way it was always meant to me.
Its like all of a sudden. Everything makes sence. there is nothing I cant tell him,. openly, not feeling like I have to tell him what I have to say. But because I want to, because it feels right to tell him, it feels wrong if I dont tell him. I dont feel stupid when I say things.
I can not express the love I feel for him.
But I also cant express the pain of not being able to pull him close and hold him .
You know what I think Ive said enough for my first entry in this blog lmao .
Arohanui
Debbie xo
Ok so whats the haps.
Heres a photo I took when I was staying at my Friend Tonis place.
If you would like to see more of art please feel free to click on my link =D
Now on to the things you really wanna know about. or maybe not? lol
If you're reading this count yourself pretty lucky cause this isnt public yet.
A month or so, I was in a relationship with someone who will remain nameless. he sent me an offline message braking up with me.. Thats pretty low as it is. A few nights before that I was blissfully happy thinking things were fine. No I lie better then fine, we had connected on a new level. You see we had been together for just over a year. We had big plains . Which I guess he didnt share now that I think about it.
When it was over between us. I truely thought my life was over. A few weeks beforehand I had lost my 17 year old dog who wasnt just my dog, or my pet. She was my best friend my baby, my life. I could tell her everything and anything. Peanut ( her name) went everywhere with me, she even slept in my bed, yes in my bed, not on it, but in it. from the day I brought her home. When I was sad she knew, she would snuggle up around my neck and fall asleep ( this is causing me to cry as I writ this, as it still hurts so badly losing her) Anyways. So she died a few weeks before hand. The on this day my EX decided to end it between us. was also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's death. Of all the days ~sighs~
That had to have been the worst day I have had in so long. My life or so I thought had come to an end. if I had access to a gun, it wouldn't have been just the end of a relationship, it would have been the end of my life. I had nothing to live for.
Yes I have my family and I have my friends. Who have been so supportive towards me I could never thank them enough.
Although one of them has a new girlfriend and seems to have forgotten that he has friends and is now too busy talking to her when online to really spend time with all his other friends. The ones you know who where always there for him, the ones who made him laugh when he was upset, the ones that stayed up hours and hours on end worried about him comfiting him, letting him know hes loved and that things will get better.
But alas when the tables are turned like always, that person is farrrrr too busy.
I guess thats to expected when your in love and its all new.
I miss him so much though, I miss our hours on end talks, I miss laughing with him I miss crying with him. I miss our friendship. Hun. If you are reading this ( maybe you will read this one day) Please remember you have other people in your life, people who need you, and people that want to be there for you too. Whats that quote?.. bros before hoes. lol ok so Im not a "bro" but you get the idea hehe
ops sorry got a little distracted there lol. Back on track now lol..
So as I was saying. Sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I kinda blow. Before I used to just pack my car up, put Peanut in the car and that was us we would just disappear. I was living at home, so I didnt have to worry about paying rent or any of that shit.. I would often be gone for months. Anything between a week and 3 months. I had enough friends living all over the north island so I always had a bed to sleep in or a coutch to crach on. But in saying that I was accustom sleeping in my car too.
But Im not able to do that anymore I cant just up and leave. curse this thing we call growing up and having a job and needing money to live.
So this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
Then something happened, something that has not only stolen my heart, but has changed my life for the better. This something I talk about isnt just a something, he is a person. A person who helped me in more ways then he realises. Hes opened my eyes to teh world. Opened my eyes to love. Showen me that I am worthy of being loved, that there is someone out there who loves me for who I am. And who accepts my love. Who doesnt think Im being over protictive, who doesnt think Im being clingy. If anything I know he would like me to express myself more lol. Now thats something Im not used to at all. I have never meet someone who can truely see the way I do any say things that I dont do it for myself. But because I want only the best for them.
That person is Jeremy.
It all happened so fast, so fast I think I blinked and it was just there.
Have you ever meet someone who you just click with? Someone who you just are made to be with? When you know that anyone else before this person was a noone. ( no disrespect to them noones lol ) We have so much in commen its just amazing. if anyone knows me I can debate / argue what ever you cant to call it lol. Till the cows come home. But with Jeremy, I find myself agreeing with things he says, and not just because I want him to be happy, but because I truely do agree with what he is saying. And he "seems" to agree with me too lol.. Its really like it was meant to be. A soul mate.
We were once two people drifting through life. Now we have joined becoming one. The way it was always meant to me.
Its like all of a sudden. Everything makes sence. there is nothing I cant tell him,. openly, not feeling like I have to tell him what I have to say. But because I want to, because it feels right to tell him, it feels wrong if I dont tell him. I dont feel stupid when I say things.
I can not express the love I feel for him.
But I also cant express the pain of not being able to pull him close and hold him .
You know what I think Ive said enough for my first entry in this blog lmao .
Arohanui
Debbie xo
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