Yay Im a cunt or so an Anonymous person said in a comment in a later posted blog.
Ohh can you feel the love. ha!
Ohh how some people can talk a load of utta crap ~rolls eyes~ ( this thing needs to have an emotes option thing hmm hehe )
Anyways so some say mine and JerBears icons are stupid. HA! Do I really look like I care what you think? =D
Right now, things are going pretty good with me.
I have a lovely sweet man who would do anything for me ( within reason ) come to think of it, even then I think he would still do it, I just wouldn't ask him to.
You know its funny how something work out. it really is. This is a love not like any other I have had. I am not used to being treated this way. Any relationship I have been in in the past I was either beaten, or abuses in other ways, or put second to everything else. Or at lest thats how it felt.
I have never been in a relationship where the person wanted my attention more then I wanted theirs hehe. And you know what it feels really good to feel wanted and needed.
Have you ever meet someone who you can disagree with but its not turned into some debate or argument? not at all. Have you ever met someone who you have so much in common with? and you know its not just them agreeing with you to make you happy because its them they says something first and its you thats agreeing with them, so your amazed at how much you have in common...
Sooo do you who of you have cybered before? lmao ~giggles~
Thought a random question was needed there hehe..
Tomorrow will bring updates on whats happening with me.
sorry if my blogs are long, I know I tend to talk alot.
yes êloíza to answer your question, it does feel better ~hugs~
Arohanui all <3
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Words are not always just words
Its funny how people can often twist something around to make it into something it isnt at all.
Its funny how some people see loyalty on such different levels.
I dont believe in taking sides. But I do believe in standing up for someone when they know they haven't done anything wrong.
I do believe that if you know one of your friends are telling lies about another of your friends. You dont just stand on the sideline
The difference between right and wrong are so close together.
I honestly dont know how a person can stand by and let someone do that. Im sorry if that makes me a selfish person but I will always stick up for what I can see as clear as day what is right. Im sorry if it makes me a bad person if any of my friends are telling me lies about another friend, or if I see them telling others lies, I will voice myself and tell them so. Im sorry but I could just never stand by and watch another friend do that to another friend. At the very lest a real friend would know not to tell these lies to me, or anywhere that I can see.
I mean come on, they know they are lying. So why would they tell lies to someone who knows the truth?
Some things I will never understand I guess.
Sometimes I wish I really was the bitch I keep getting accused of being.
I wish I could be the wanker who will go out of their way to tell lies about people just to make themselves look good.
And to top it off because they are so good at lying people dont even seem to second guess him. Have they ever thought to come to the source and ask them themselves? Have they ever thought to even come by and have a look for them self if all the things that have been said have been said. Cause if they did, they would see Im nothing at all like the person they are making me out to be.
but people only seem to care about themselves now a days.
Which really puts me back to the how can a friend not defend a friend who they know isnt in the wrong. And how can a friend stand by while their other friend goes out of their way all the time to make up these lies. Tell me is that really what a friend is made of?
Its not interfering, its not putting your nose into someone else's bissness.
Its standing up for what you believe in, for your loved ones. And its knowing the difference between right and wrong, and knowing when you need to make a stand and stop being walked all over.
Its an OD thing you know I treat all my friends so much different then they treat me. Dont get me wrong Im not saying they are bad or that Im better or worse then anyone else. Its just that my loyalty towards my loved ones stands on a much higher scale.
Maybe thats because all my life I have had lovely caring family. I have been thought to always stand up for what you believe in, to always do the right thing, even if at times that means hurting someone else.
Sometimes that also means you end up losing someone you thought of as a friend.
But the thing is, when it comes down to it its better to have one or two friends you would trust with your life, then to have a lot of friends who are anything but.
I dunno I guess Im kinda stuck in the middle here.
I wish so badly that I would just forget about it all.
I forgive so easily. I really do. often too easily. Is that a bad thing? Maybe it is and maybe it isnt.
But you know its funny, cause no matter what I say, no matter how many people do know the truth and all of the truth, when you get something pumped into your head enough times. You cant help but start to believe it.
When it comes down to it, I know the truth, and thats all the matters. No matter what anyone else says nothing will ever take that away from me. No matter how much someone trys to bring me down, mo matter how much they want to lie about me, no matter how much they lie to other people about things. Be it about me or about themselves. I know the truth, that can never be taken away from me.
And no Im not going to stoop to the same level and rebal.
Why would I? thats like pissing in the sea.
People will believe what they want to believe, till they get slapped in the face and it all come crumbling down around them, and of course thats when I come in. Again, and again, and again,. sadly some people never learn.
If they did it would cause a lot less pain on their behalf.
Anyways thats all for now. Ill leave you with this.
Its funny how some people see loyalty on such different levels.
I dont believe in taking sides. But I do believe in standing up for someone when they know they haven't done anything wrong.
I do believe that if you know one of your friends are telling lies about another of your friends. You dont just stand on the sideline
The difference between right and wrong are so close together.
I honestly dont know how a person can stand by and let someone do that. Im sorry if that makes me a selfish person but I will always stick up for what I can see as clear as day what is right. Im sorry if it makes me a bad person if any of my friends are telling me lies about another friend, or if I see them telling others lies, I will voice myself and tell them so. Im sorry but I could just never stand by and watch another friend do that to another friend. At the very lest a real friend would know not to tell these lies to me, or anywhere that I can see.
I mean come on, they know they are lying. So why would they tell lies to someone who knows the truth?
Some things I will never understand I guess.
Sometimes I wish I really was the bitch I keep getting accused of being.
I wish I could be the wanker who will go out of their way to tell lies about people just to make themselves look good.
And to top it off because they are so good at lying people dont even seem to second guess him. Have they ever thought to come to the source and ask them themselves? Have they ever thought to even come by and have a look for them self if all the things that have been said have been said. Cause if they did, they would see Im nothing at all like the person they are making me out to be.
but people only seem to care about themselves now a days.
Which really puts me back to the how can a friend not defend a friend who they know isnt in the wrong. And how can a friend stand by while their other friend goes out of their way all the time to make up these lies. Tell me is that really what a friend is made of?
Its not interfering, its not putting your nose into someone else's bissness.
Its standing up for what you believe in, for your loved ones. And its knowing the difference between right and wrong, and knowing when you need to make a stand and stop being walked all over.
Its an OD thing you know I treat all my friends so much different then they treat me. Dont get me wrong Im not saying they are bad or that Im better or worse then anyone else. Its just that my loyalty towards my loved ones stands on a much higher scale.
Maybe thats because all my life I have had lovely caring family. I have been thought to always stand up for what you believe in, to always do the right thing, even if at times that means hurting someone else.
Sometimes that also means you end up losing someone you thought of as a friend.
But the thing is, when it comes down to it its better to have one or two friends you would trust with your life, then to have a lot of friends who are anything but.
I dunno I guess Im kinda stuck in the middle here.
I wish so badly that I would just forget about it all.
I forgive so easily. I really do. often too easily. Is that a bad thing? Maybe it is and maybe it isnt.
But you know its funny, cause no matter what I say, no matter how many people do know the truth and all of the truth, when you get something pumped into your head enough times. You cant help but start to believe it.
When it comes down to it, I know the truth, and thats all the matters. No matter what anyone else says nothing will ever take that away from me. No matter how much someone trys to bring me down, mo matter how much they want to lie about me, no matter how much they lie to other people about things. Be it about me or about themselves. I know the truth, that can never be taken away from me.
And no Im not going to stoop to the same level and rebal.
Why would I? thats like pissing in the sea.
People will believe what they want to believe, till they get slapped in the face and it all come crumbling down around them, and of course thats when I come in. Again, and again, and again,. sadly some people never learn.
If they did it would cause a lot less pain on their behalf.
Anyways thats all for now. Ill leave you with this.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The final weekend
Ahhh, so this is the last time I have Chantelle. Kinda sad but happy about that in the same time.
Ive been looking after Chatelle for well over a year now.
Shes now getting to the point where shes too big for me to care for.
Shes growing out of everything, getting too heavy to push up my drive, and will need a new wheelchair very soon. The one she has now is already big. her next one wont be able to fit though the door ways.
This doesnt mean I will be giving up loooking after the disabled and IHC though.
As it is I work in one of the houses in town that has ICH people in it.
I will now work there more. The money is also better. It also means when I finish work for the day, thats it Im finished I dont need to worry about work till my next shift. It will be a lot less stressful. It does how ever mean I wont be online as much. Maybe thats a good thing though? lol.
JerBear you will need to send me many emails <3 and rearrange your sleeping patten again? lmao . Just kidding babe, I would never ask that of you. You will be getting more sleep though hehehe.
Thats all for now. My get up and go, got up and left =(
Debbie
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My first entry
Ok so Ive never done one of these before I'm a n00b at it hehe
Ok so whats the haps.
Heres a photo I took when I was staying at my Friend Tonis place.
If you would like to see more of art please feel free to click on my link =D
Now on to the things you really wanna know about. or maybe not? lol
If you're reading this count yourself pretty lucky cause this isnt public yet.
A month or so, I was in a relationship with someone who will remain nameless. he sent me an offline message braking up with me.. Thats pretty low as it is. A few nights before that I was blissfully happy thinking things were fine. No I lie better then fine, we had connected on a new level. You see we had been together for just over a year. We had big plains . Which I guess he didnt share now that I think about it.
When it was over between us. I truely thought my life was over. A few weeks beforehand I had lost my 17 year old dog who wasnt just my dog, or my pet. She was my best friend my baby, my life. I could tell her everything and anything. Peanut ( her name) went everywhere with me, she even slept in my bed, yes in my bed, not on it, but in it. from the day I brought her home. When I was sad she knew, she would snuggle up around my neck and fall asleep ( this is causing me to cry as I writ this, as it still hurts so badly losing her) Anyways. So she died a few weeks before hand. The on this day my EX decided to end it between us. was also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's death. Of all the days ~sighs~
That had to have been the worst day I have had in so long. My life or so I thought had come to an end. if I had access to a gun, it wouldn't have been just the end of a relationship, it would have been the end of my life. I had nothing to live for.
Yes I have my family and I have my friends. Who have been so supportive towards me I could never thank them enough.
Although one of them has a new girlfriend and seems to have forgotten that he has friends and is now too busy talking to her when online to really spend time with all his other friends. The ones you know who where always there for him, the ones who made him laugh when he was upset, the ones that stayed up hours and hours on end worried about him comfiting him, letting him know hes loved and that things will get better.
But alas when the tables are turned like always, that person is farrrrr too busy.
I guess thats to expected when your in love and its all new.
I miss him so much though, I miss our hours on end talks, I miss laughing with him I miss crying with him. I miss our friendship. Hun. If you are reading this ( maybe you will read this one day) Please remember you have other people in your life, people who need you, and people that want to be there for you too. Whats that quote?.. bros before hoes. lol ok so Im not a "bro" but you get the idea hehe
ops sorry got a little distracted there lol. Back on track now lol..
So as I was saying. Sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I kinda blow. Before I used to just pack my car up, put Peanut in the car and that was us we would just disappear. I was living at home, so I didnt have to worry about paying rent or any of that shit.. I would often be gone for months. Anything between a week and 3 months. I had enough friends living all over the north island so I always had a bed to sleep in or a coutch to crach on. But in saying that I was accustom sleeping in my car too.
But Im not able to do that anymore I cant just up and leave. curse this thing we call growing up and having a job and needing money to live.
So this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
Then something happened, something that has not only stolen my heart, but has changed my life for the better. This something I talk about isnt just a something, he is a person. A person who helped me in more ways then he realises. Hes opened my eyes to teh world. Opened my eyes to love. Showen me that I am worthy of being loved, that there is someone out there who loves me for who I am. And who accepts my love. Who doesnt think Im being over protictive, who doesnt think Im being clingy. If anything I know he would like me to express myself more lol. Now thats something Im not used to at all. I have never meet someone who can truely see the way I do any say things that I dont do it for myself. But because I want only the best for them.
That person is Jeremy.
It all happened so fast, so fast I think I blinked and it was just there.
Have you ever meet someone who you just click with? Someone who you just are made to be with? When you know that anyone else before this person was a noone. ( no disrespect to them noones lol ) We have so much in commen its just amazing. if anyone knows me I can debate / argue what ever you cant to call it lol. Till the cows come home. But with Jeremy, I find myself agreeing with things he says, and not just because I want him to be happy, but because I truely do agree with what he is saying. And he "seems" to agree with me too lol.. Its really like it was meant to be. A soul mate.
We were once two people drifting through life. Now we have joined becoming one. The way it was always meant to me.
Its like all of a sudden. Everything makes sence. there is nothing I cant tell him,. openly, not feeling like I have to tell him what I have to say. But because I want to, because it feels right to tell him, it feels wrong if I dont tell him. I dont feel stupid when I say things.
I can not express the love I feel for him.
But I also cant express the pain of not being able to pull him close and hold him .
You know what I think Ive said enough for my first entry in this blog lmao .
Arohanui
Debbie xo
Ok so whats the haps.
Heres a photo I took when I was staying at my Friend Tonis place.
If you would like to see more of art please feel free to click on my link =D
Now on to the things you really wanna know about. or maybe not? lol
If you're reading this count yourself pretty lucky cause this isnt public yet.
A month or so, I was in a relationship with someone who will remain nameless. he sent me an offline message braking up with me.. Thats pretty low as it is. A few nights before that I was blissfully happy thinking things were fine. No I lie better then fine, we had connected on a new level. You see we had been together for just over a year. We had big plains . Which I guess he didnt share now that I think about it.
When it was over between us. I truely thought my life was over. A few weeks beforehand I had lost my 17 year old dog who wasnt just my dog, or my pet. She was my best friend my baby, my life. I could tell her everything and anything. Peanut ( her name) went everywhere with me, she even slept in my bed, yes in my bed, not on it, but in it. from the day I brought her home. When I was sad she knew, she would snuggle up around my neck and fall asleep ( this is causing me to cry as I writ this, as it still hurts so badly losing her) Anyways. So she died a few weeks before hand. The on this day my EX decided to end it between us. was also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's death. Of all the days ~sighs~
That had to have been the worst day I have had in so long. My life or so I thought had come to an end. if I had access to a gun, it wouldn't have been just the end of a relationship, it would have been the end of my life. I had nothing to live for.
Yes I have my family and I have my friends. Who have been so supportive towards me I could never thank them enough.
Although one of them has a new girlfriend and seems to have forgotten that he has friends and is now too busy talking to her when online to really spend time with all his other friends. The ones you know who where always there for him, the ones who made him laugh when he was upset, the ones that stayed up hours and hours on end worried about him comfiting him, letting him know hes loved and that things will get better.
But alas when the tables are turned like always, that person is farrrrr too busy.
I guess thats to expected when your in love and its all new.
I miss him so much though, I miss our hours on end talks, I miss laughing with him I miss crying with him. I miss our friendship. Hun. If you are reading this ( maybe you will read this one day) Please remember you have other people in your life, people who need you, and people that want to be there for you too. Whats that quote?.. bros before hoes. lol ok so Im not a "bro" but you get the idea hehe
ops sorry got a little distracted there lol. Back on track now lol..
So as I was saying. Sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I kinda blow. Before I used to just pack my car up, put Peanut in the car and that was us we would just disappear. I was living at home, so I didnt have to worry about paying rent or any of that shit.. I would often be gone for months. Anything between a week and 3 months. I had enough friends living all over the north island so I always had a bed to sleep in or a coutch to crach on. But in saying that I was accustom sleeping in my car too.
But Im not able to do that anymore I cant just up and leave. curse this thing we call growing up and having a job and needing money to live.
So this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
Then something happened, something that has not only stolen my heart, but has changed my life for the better. This something I talk about isnt just a something, he is a person. A person who helped me in more ways then he realises. Hes opened my eyes to teh world. Opened my eyes to love. Showen me that I am worthy of being loved, that there is someone out there who loves me for who I am. And who accepts my love. Who doesnt think Im being over protictive, who doesnt think Im being clingy. If anything I know he would like me to express myself more lol. Now thats something Im not used to at all. I have never meet someone who can truely see the way I do any say things that I dont do it for myself. But because I want only the best for them.
That person is Jeremy.
It all happened so fast, so fast I think I blinked and it was just there.
Have you ever meet someone who you just click with? Someone who you just are made to be with? When you know that anyone else before this person was a noone. ( no disrespect to them noones lol ) We have so much in commen its just amazing. if anyone knows me I can debate / argue what ever you cant to call it lol. Till the cows come home. But with Jeremy, I find myself agreeing with things he says, and not just because I want him to be happy, but because I truely do agree with what he is saying. And he "seems" to agree with me too lol.. Its really like it was meant to be. A soul mate.
We were once two people drifting through life. Now we have joined becoming one. The way it was always meant to me.
Its like all of a sudden. Everything makes sence. there is nothing I cant tell him,. openly, not feeling like I have to tell him what I have to say. But because I want to, because it feels right to tell him, it feels wrong if I dont tell him. I dont feel stupid when I say things.
I can not express the love I feel for him.
But I also cant express the pain of not being able to pull him close and hold him .
You know what I think Ive said enough for my first entry in this blog lmao .
Arohanui
Debbie xo
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